I really don't know what to feel. SPM result is just around the corner. The date is close. Close as fuck I have to say.. I mean, four fucking days until result? Okay, minus today, jadi lah 3 days je.
Am I ready to face the truth? Am I brave enough to accept the reality thats going to hit me? Fucking think again, Teha.. Did you do well? Is it your best?
The answer is.. I hate to fucking say this but I have to..
No. Never.
I'm not doing my very best the whole fucking year. I thought I can deal with those challenges. I do. But I did not do it with my best effort. And yes, I regret that. I remember sometimes I stood in silence.. thinking what's going to happen to myself in another few years. Sometimes I realized its too late to look back.
But this is what the SPM result is for, You choose between two.
Its either you choose it as a beginning of your life,
Or
The ending of your regrets.
Or maybe both.
Let say I choose both ways because I didn't put my expectations too high. I'll take this as the beginning of my adulthood, and the ending of my regrets. Next time I'll make the right decision.
"It is not how you start, It's how you end it."
Yes. I agree with it. But right now, I know I'm both fucked up at the beginning and at the end of it. So, why not start over? Make the end as the beginning. Open a new fucking book.
I'm afraid I might disappoint my parents, I'm afraid they might expect too much. I am the only last daughter they have though. The tension....
But I realized, This is about me. How my effort actually proves my passion. Right now the one who paints the fucking canvas is me, not my parents.
".....Ibu bapa yang mencorakkannya"
That term is no longer needed, My dad told me to always remember to be greatful. Always, be greatful. No matter what the result says. Stand up and never give up. I believe I can do that..
The one I'm not sure right now is.... decision.
Can I make the right decision? What should I choose? Fine art or Architecture? Malaysia or Qatar? Passion or skills?
"Lepas result Ayah tanya lagi sekali eh"
Okay.... let see..
What should I choose? Fucking dilemmas.
